Fits like a glove...

Friend John suggested; as did the other half, that I may be experiencing THIS well known process:

The Kubler-Ross Model
The FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF

I'd like to address each of the five stages, and see where I am.

Denial: Clearly past it. I suppose I was in denial BEFORE the actual diagnosis. For years (yes YEARS) I've been assuming that I was pre-diabetic. While in Chicago, I would wake up in the middle of the night, having to practically POUND my feet in to the floor to "wake them up". Not often...but still. Sign # 1. However, I did have blood work done @ physicals while in Chicago, and nothing (other than "you need to watch your cholesterol intake") ever came of it then. But, here in LA...always thirsty, always peeing. Irritability and light-headedness when waiting too long for a meal. Again, can't say I am shocked w/ my diagnosis. Does the DENIAL portion count if it's before the "shit hits the fan"?

Anger: Still shades (deep, dark ones) of this going on. Just ask the other half. I'm irritable, cranky, jumpy and basically a giant asshole. Not that I wasn't before, but I think things are a bit more present. My fuse is as short as its ever been.

Bargaining: Not sure this stage will be part of my experience...for I believe I've moved into the next one already. Besides, what/who will I bargain with? Wait, it just hit me. I'll bargain w/ my id, that inner demon who wants what it wants... on this. "Please, oh please let me continue to eat my sweets and other lard-loads of crap! I promise I'll eat less of them that I did before!" Bingo.

Depression: I think my blog the other day says it all (although I DO feel as though I've moved on a bit already):

"I tried to explain this to the other half, but I'm not quite sure I understand it myself. This overwhelming feeling of "I can no longer enjoy anything (not just food) fully." Not my surroundings, my work, my job, my LIFE. There's something more there, but I can't quite place my finger on it. I either CAN'T enjoy things, or I won't ALLOW myself to enjoy things. It's a weird, weird place to be. And it doesn't help that these sensations/feelings/moods are so VAGUE."

There it is, and there I am...clearly.

Finally,

Acceptance: I think I've touched on this already as well. I know I can't change this, and know that I have to work hard to address it. These thoughts are not lost on me.

I know it may seem a tad over-dramatic to place the word "grief" on a diagnosis for diabetes, but it all seems to fit the bill. There are lots of of other places to apply this model...things of far greater importance than my little problem w/ eating too much sugar. The disaster in Japan, I have a couple of friends who recently lost their baby in childbirth, and another friend battling breast cancer. I hate to sound like a little baby; when things like that are a helluva lot tougher.

What I'm trying to say is that I hope to get into acceptance asap, so I can focus on bigger things.

Just to quote a bit from Wikipedia...which I thought applied to me and my "disease". Read the whole paragraph, but note the BOLD-FACED portion.

"Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to people suffering from terminal illness, later to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This may also include significant life events such as the death of a loved one, divorce, drug addiction, the onset of a disease or chronic illness, an infertility diagnosis, as well many tragedies and disasters."

Here's a link to Wikipedia with all the goods.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model