So.
It's been the obligatory 2+ hours since my last meal ended. Thus, I have checked my sugar levels.
Frankly, I haven't felt all that hot since I ingested the forbidden half a milkshake. Nothing monumental. No vomiting, shaking, comas or 911 calls. Just a little head-achey and some general malaise.
Sugar levels?
Not since my first week of diagnosis have I seen such a high number.
Let's just say, lesson learned. I guess I still have to test certain foods to see if they truly are completely out of my league. I'm assuming this half a milkshake was far worse than my earlier cheat (a month and half ago) of a banana tempura ice cream concoction, only cuz it was liquid-y, so perhaps more quickly/easily dispersed throughout my body?
209.
Yup, 209.
It's a big goddamned number, and I'm none to happy about it.
Momma said there'd be days like this...there'd be days like this, my momma said.
And the GREAT SWEET CUT-OUT OF 2011 continues (for real this time). Ahem.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
and the cheat goes on...
You'll recall that my last big (as in SUPER BIG) cheat was a banana-tempura ice cream desert @ our favorite sushi place...about a month 1/2 ago. Well, the other half and I went to Johnny Rocket's for some grub this evening. So on top of some onion rings, fries and a chicken club sandwich (on rye--so there was that conservative aspect), we split a vanilla shake. Nothing monumental, but in the scheme of things that have been regularly avoided over the past many months, that was no small cheat.
I'm waiting until 8pm to test my sugars, and see what it really, truly did to my body.
I will say this...in the words of Ned Flanders, it was "scrum-diddly-umptious." Was that deliciousness worth a trip to the ER? Probably not, but so far, I'm feelin' just fine.
I doubt it'll reach such levels. The banana desert thing barely registered.
So, with guilt levels marked @ around 6-7 (highest being 10) I think I'm gonna be okay.
You may carry on w/ your regularly scheduled activities.
For now, the GREAT SWEET CUT-OUT OF 2011 continues (well, sorta)...
I'm waiting until 8pm to test my sugars, and see what it really, truly did to my body.
I will say this...in the words of Ned Flanders, it was "scrum-diddly-umptious." Was that deliciousness worth a trip to the ER? Probably not, but so far, I'm feelin' just fine.
I doubt it'll reach such levels. The banana desert thing barely registered.
So, with guilt levels marked @ around 6-7 (highest being 10) I think I'm gonna be okay.
You may carry on w/ your regularly scheduled activities.
For now, the GREAT SWEET CUT-OUT OF 2011 continues (well, sorta)...
Monday, May 30, 2011
Saturday, April 30, 2011
The Scarlet Letter "C"
for "cheat"
Okay, the title may be a TAD melodramatic...
It's been just over a month and a half since I became buddies w/ good ol' family friend Betty. I think I've done quite well on my new diet...my #s have certainly supported that. I've leveled for the most part, in the 100-130 range (a far cry from the staggering #s the day of the diagnosis, and the figures from days immediately following it). But today, I had my first big "cheat" and the #s reflect that. I feel pretty bad.
I had my first minor cheat a couple of weeks ago. The other half and I went to a local casino for some bingo fun (yes, we're 80 year old women apparently). They have a snack shop w/in the bingo hall, and I decided to splurge and get a bacon cheeseburger; w/ bun. Now, I did opt for the veggies side dish, foregoing the obligatory french fries (they were the big, hearty steak fries I might add--not an easy thing to resist). It was all good, and my #s were barely effected. Truthfully. Well, later in the evening, after some fun slot play, we decided to attend the evening bingo session...last minute. The session began @ 7pm, and we got our cards @ about 6:50pm. Needless to say, we didn't have time to run to the snack bar, and the #s were being called on the first game (crazy how fast they call out the #s--especially to us newbies), so we just quickly ordered a meal (it was past my regular meal time, so I was getting a big un-focused and shaky)...and since we had no menus, we ordered the same things we had had for lunch earlier...bacon cheeseburgers. However, I went for the delish steak fries instead of the mixed veggies. So, it was a cheat as far as I was concerned, but again (even after TWO "bad" meals) my #s didn't really change much. So it was a cheat, but not a hair-raising, sugar-topping off, wacky "I'm hittin' the emergency room" situation. So I quickly forgave myself and enjoyed the steak fries. (Lots o' carbs).
Today was a new story. Today is the day that will forever mark my relationship w/ Betty as "tainted". It was a big cheat. A monumental cheat. But dammit, IT WAS GOOD.
We hit a sushi place near our beloved Target (we walked the mile to get there). Had some tempura calamari, a California roll, a cucumber roll and a Philadelphia roll. Not anything to really be concerned over. But then they brought the desert menu. Now, truth be told, my deserts of the past weeks have consisted of sugar-free Jello's, no sugar added puddings, bananas, apples, and the occasional smoothie from Cold Stone (I tried their no-sugar ice cream--bleccch!). None of this amounted to more than a couple of up-clicks on the ol' sugar meter.
But the desert menu @ the sushi place...it had a banana tempura w/ a scoop of vanilla ice cream. I found myself salivating over the photo, so I said "f*** it" and threw caution (and my tester) to the wind. I ordered it. I don't know if it was actually the BEST desert I ever had, or if I had just been so deprived (not that I'm FEELING deprived--truthfully) that it was monumentally good and ultimately memorable. I ate the whole damn thing. All of it. In the words of Ned Flanders, it was "scrumb-diddly-umptios."
But it's been 7 hours, and I am feeling a little buyer's remorse (for lack of a better word). I checked my #s @ dinner time (about 6pm), and they were pretty high...about 155. Not horrendous by any means, but definitely elevated. I really wasn't too concerned, and didn't get down on myself. Not a death sentence. But I just checked my #s before my bedtime snack. (BTW, dinner was a couple of sandwiches on whole wheat w/ some pickles--followed by a couple of handfuls of dry corn-bran cereal for desert). I don't know if it was just some crazy compounding, mathematical situation which my sugars were taking part in, but I was seeing 174 on my meter. Kind of a downer.
I'm trying to keep my guilt to a reasonable level...and to reserve final judgment once I see my #s in the morning before breakfast. If they've returned to "normal" levels, then I will breathe a sigh of relief, pop my pills and promise to never cheat again (until we return to the sushi place again--perhaps that will be my one and only cheat--return to Crazy Rock'n Sushi once a month for my cheat desert!) A tradition in uncontrolled sugar intake!
Well, that's my update about close friend Betty. She doesn't like it when I cheat, but I'm only human. I think writing this all out has made me feel better about the terrible sin committed here today.
Oh, BTW, we DID walk home from the place (and it's uphill on the way back) so we got to walk off a bit of the cheat.
For now, the GREAT SWEET CUT-OUT continues... (well, w/ a short breather today...)
Okay, the title may be a TAD melodramatic...
It's been just over a month and a half since I became buddies w/ good ol' family friend Betty. I think I've done quite well on my new diet...my #s have certainly supported that. I've leveled for the most part, in the 100-130 range (a far cry from the staggering #s the day of the diagnosis, and the figures from days immediately following it). But today, I had my first big "cheat" and the #s reflect that. I feel pretty bad.
I had my first minor cheat a couple of weeks ago. The other half and I went to a local casino for some bingo fun (yes, we're 80 year old women apparently). They have a snack shop w/in the bingo hall, and I decided to splurge and get a bacon cheeseburger; w/ bun. Now, I did opt for the veggies side dish, foregoing the obligatory french fries (they were the big, hearty steak fries I might add--not an easy thing to resist). It was all good, and my #s were barely effected. Truthfully. Well, later in the evening, after some fun slot play, we decided to attend the evening bingo session...last minute. The session began @ 7pm, and we got our cards @ about 6:50pm. Needless to say, we didn't have time to run to the snack bar, and the #s were being called on the first game (crazy how fast they call out the #s--especially to us newbies), so we just quickly ordered a meal (it was past my regular meal time, so I was getting a big un-focused and shaky)...and since we had no menus, we ordered the same things we had had for lunch earlier...bacon cheeseburgers. However, I went for the delish steak fries instead of the mixed veggies. So, it was a cheat as far as I was concerned, but again (even after TWO "bad" meals) my #s didn't really change much. So it was a cheat, but not a hair-raising, sugar-topping off, wacky "I'm hittin' the emergency room" situation. So I quickly forgave myself and enjoyed the steak fries. (Lots o' carbs).
Today was a new story. Today is the day that will forever mark my relationship w/ Betty as "tainted". It was a big cheat. A monumental cheat. But dammit, IT WAS GOOD.
We hit a sushi place near our beloved Target (we walked the mile to get there). Had some tempura calamari, a California roll, a cucumber roll and a Philadelphia roll. Not anything to really be concerned over. But then they brought the desert menu. Now, truth be told, my deserts of the past weeks have consisted of sugar-free Jello's, no sugar added puddings, bananas, apples, and the occasional smoothie from Cold Stone (I tried their no-sugar ice cream--bleccch!). None of this amounted to more than a couple of up-clicks on the ol' sugar meter.
But the desert menu @ the sushi place...it had a banana tempura w/ a scoop of vanilla ice cream. I found myself salivating over the photo, so I said "f*** it" and threw caution (and my tester) to the wind. I ordered it. I don't know if it was actually the BEST desert I ever had, or if I had just been so deprived (not that I'm FEELING deprived--truthfully) that it was monumentally good and ultimately memorable. I ate the whole damn thing. All of it. In the words of Ned Flanders, it was "scrumb-diddly-umptios."
But it's been 7 hours, and I am feeling a little buyer's remorse (for lack of a better word). I checked my #s @ dinner time (about 6pm), and they were pretty high...about 155. Not horrendous by any means, but definitely elevated. I really wasn't too concerned, and didn't get down on myself. Not a death sentence. But I just checked my #s before my bedtime snack. (BTW, dinner was a couple of sandwiches on whole wheat w/ some pickles--followed by a couple of handfuls of dry corn-bran cereal for desert). I don't know if it was just some crazy compounding, mathematical situation which my sugars were taking part in, but I was seeing 174 on my meter. Kind of a downer.
I'm trying to keep my guilt to a reasonable level...and to reserve final judgment once I see my #s in the morning before breakfast. If they've returned to "normal" levels, then I will breathe a sigh of relief, pop my pills and promise to never cheat again (until we return to the sushi place again--perhaps that will be my one and only cheat--return to Crazy Rock'n Sushi once a month for my cheat desert!) A tradition in uncontrolled sugar intake!
Well, that's my update about close friend Betty. She doesn't like it when I cheat, but I'm only human. I think writing this all out has made me feel better about the terrible sin committed here today.
Oh, BTW, we DID walk home from the place (and it's uphill on the way back) so we got to walk off a bit of the cheat.
For now, the GREAT SWEET CUT-OUT continues... (well, w/ a short breather today...)
Friday, April 8, 2011
Dia-Betty Update Part Two
Haven't checked in over here at THE GREAT SWEET CUT-OUT OF 2011 lately. Just too busy being diabetic I guess.
Wanted to share a few things which I've noticed since my diet changed.
First off, my blood sugar levels this evening proved that I had my first big cheat. We found some frozen toaster waffles which are better than the average bear, and some sugar-free syrup. By no means an uber-healthy choice, but better than previous sweets. My portion control was a little whack this evening, and so when I checked my sugars a bit ago, well over 200. Now, that's the highest it's been since my first week of diagnosis. Lesson learned? Portion control; even of "good for you" items is still a necessity. Good. Got it. Moving on.
The following items may fall under the category of TMI. That's 'TOO MUCH INFORMATION' for those of you who don't recognize such abbreviations. What's wrong w/ you? OMG! WTF! ;)
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
My general fondness for Rolaids (until they were taken off the shelf recently) and for Tums and their ilk has taken a sharp downturn. Not cuz I no longer appreciate their minty-freshness and calcium goodness, but cuz I no longer need them. I can't recall having had heartburn more than once or twice since my diet was forced to change. Saving a couple of bucks, and I'm not waking in a midnight panic cuz I binged on a bunch of junk food crap before bedtime and now had the sudden sensation of a spirited acid reflux. Have you had this happen before? Your body wakes you from a dead sleep, INSISTING that you sit up immediately as not to vomit stomach acid all over your sleeping partner? No? No one? Hmm. I think you're lying. Anyway...GONE. GONE. GONE. Nice.
My BM's (BOWEL MOVEMENTS for you slow-on-the-uptake folks) have basically found a regular daily pattern. Certainly the fact that I now eat at approximately the same time EVERY DAY, plus the fact that I'm eating a lot more fiber (veggies, fruits, grains, etc.), account for this wondrous new tradition. Right away in the morning, and rarely...a second time in the day. Frankly, my old diet had me going multiple times a day, involving SOUTH PARK's Kenny-type explosive diarrhea and the next day, "blowing-out-your-O-ring", painful pushing and shoving just to get a goat-turd. Don't blame me, people, I warned you! I haven't been this regular in at least 10 years, and I gotta say...it's underrated!
Next up on the TMI list...my sex drive seems to have taken on new heights. Feeling those urgings and yearnings more often than before. Too bad the other half's never around. Ha!
Headaches seem to be a thing of the past; for the most part. I still have the occasional one...mostly when I let my blood sugar drop too far (something I'm still VERY aware of, after TWO bouts w/ low numbers). Figured out that the big drops come after my first round of meds in the morning. Just have to be sure I have ample carbs for breakfast...in other words...I can have eggs, but a couple of pieces of toast to go w/ all that protein. I'm still learning here.
I don't know if it's some sort of placebo effect, but I truly feel more energized. I'm still exhausted when I get home from work, but I think that's just the work itself...on my feet all day.
Despite the additional energy surges I've been experiencing, I've still been lazy in several departments. 1) I've done absolutely nothing to move ahead in my writing career. 2) I have yet to use my doc's referral to see the podiatrist. 3) I have yet to get in touch w/ a dietician. It seems that even though my diet has changed drastically, my lack of motivation remains at an all time guilt-ridden low. Can't win 'em all I guess.
Overall, I think I'm doing a bang-up job, but that confirmation will have to wait until my next doctor visit.
My #s have been steadily dropping...some days they'll get back up there (never past 200 until tonight!), but in general, I think I'm in a pretty good place.
My sweet cravings have dwindled...although seeing baked goods (my MORTAL enemy) while perusing the store shelves, makes for some honest-to-God mouth watering.
The other half (God bless him) found me a three-portion box of SUGAR-FREE PEEPS (first brought to my attention by friend Vanessa). They definitely taste different, but still a perfect treat for this season.
Keep posted, as THE GREAT SWEET CUT-OUT OF 2011 continues...
Wanted to share a few things which I've noticed since my diet changed.
First off, my blood sugar levels this evening proved that I had my first big cheat. We found some frozen toaster waffles which are better than the average bear, and some sugar-free syrup. By no means an uber-healthy choice, but better than previous sweets. My portion control was a little whack this evening, and so when I checked my sugars a bit ago, well over 200. Now, that's the highest it's been since my first week of diagnosis. Lesson learned? Portion control; even of "good for you" items is still a necessity. Good. Got it. Moving on.
The following items may fall under the category of TMI. That's 'TOO MUCH INFORMATION' for those of you who don't recognize such abbreviations. What's wrong w/ you? OMG! WTF! ;)
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
My general fondness for Rolaids (until they were taken off the shelf recently) and for Tums and their ilk has taken a sharp downturn. Not cuz I no longer appreciate their minty-freshness and calcium goodness, but cuz I no longer need them. I can't recall having had heartburn more than once or twice since my diet was forced to change. Saving a couple of bucks, and I'm not waking in a midnight panic cuz I binged on a bunch of junk food crap before bedtime and now had the sudden sensation of a spirited acid reflux. Have you had this happen before? Your body wakes you from a dead sleep, INSISTING that you sit up immediately as not to vomit stomach acid all over your sleeping partner? No? No one? Hmm. I think you're lying. Anyway...GONE. GONE. GONE. Nice.
My BM's (BOWEL MOVEMENTS for you slow-on-the-uptake folks) have basically found a regular daily pattern. Certainly the fact that I now eat at approximately the same time EVERY DAY, plus the fact that I'm eating a lot more fiber (veggies, fruits, grains, etc.), account for this wondrous new tradition. Right away in the morning, and rarely...a second time in the day. Frankly, my old diet had me going multiple times a day, involving SOUTH PARK's Kenny-type explosive diarrhea and the next day, "blowing-out-your-O-ring", painful pushing and shoving just to get a goat-turd. Don't blame me, people, I warned you! I haven't been this regular in at least 10 years, and I gotta say...it's underrated!
Next up on the TMI list...my sex drive seems to have taken on new heights. Feeling those urgings and yearnings more often than before. Too bad the other half's never around. Ha!
Headaches seem to be a thing of the past; for the most part. I still have the occasional one...mostly when I let my blood sugar drop too far (something I'm still VERY aware of, after TWO bouts w/ low numbers). Figured out that the big drops come after my first round of meds in the morning. Just have to be sure I have ample carbs for breakfast...in other words...I can have eggs, but a couple of pieces of toast to go w/ all that protein. I'm still learning here.
I don't know if it's some sort of placebo effect, but I truly feel more energized. I'm still exhausted when I get home from work, but I think that's just the work itself...on my feet all day.
Despite the additional energy surges I've been experiencing, I've still been lazy in several departments. 1) I've done absolutely nothing to move ahead in my writing career. 2) I have yet to use my doc's referral to see the podiatrist. 3) I have yet to get in touch w/ a dietician. It seems that even though my diet has changed drastically, my lack of motivation remains at an all time guilt-ridden low. Can't win 'em all I guess.
Overall, I think I'm doing a bang-up job, but that confirmation will have to wait until my next doctor visit.
My #s have been steadily dropping...some days they'll get back up there (never past 200 until tonight!), but in general, I think I'm in a pretty good place.
My sweet cravings have dwindled...although seeing baked goods (my MORTAL enemy) while perusing the store shelves, makes for some honest-to-God mouth watering.
The other half (God bless him) found me a three-portion box of SUGAR-FREE PEEPS (first brought to my attention by friend Vanessa). They definitely taste different, but still a perfect treat for this season.
Keep posted, as THE GREAT SWEET CUT-OUT OF 2011 continues...
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Dia-Betty Updates
A few thoughts from recent days...as far as my DISEASE!
Forgot to mention that I was weighed in on the day of my diagnosis. 187 w/ my clothes on. I was about 225 when we left Chicago (coming up on 3 years ago). When I went to my updated doctor (@ Cedars), I was in only undies, and it came up as 183 (I'll take that, thank you very much). The doctor commented on the fact that he had never seen an onset of diabetes after a great weight LOSS. That's me, the freak of nature.
My adt'l bloodwork came back, and on top of my high sugars, I've got high cholesterol. Really? I'm just shocked.
My store did well last month, so as is the norm, our DM brings us loads of treats. So in our cupboards and refrigerator in our "break room" (actually a tiny little counter w/ a mini-fridge and two upper cabinets...oh, and a sink) there are legions of candy bars in "snack-size". I get to waft the scent into my nostrils, as if they were a fine wine. Hey, I'll take it.
Got the blood-testing down to a science. Don't even have to think about it anymore...just do it. It's kind of nice to already be in a mindless zone as far as keeping things "normal".
Oh...and I also had some lumps on the bottom of my feet checked out when I was w/ the doctor. I'll be scheduling an exam w/ a podiatrist (@ Cedars Sinai--where Liz passed away, may she rest in peace). Based on my exploration of Wikipedia (and my all-to-common self-diagnosis), it's something called plantar fibromatosis. They've been there for a while, but I've chosen to ignore them; along w/ my frequent peeing and dire thirst needs. But, they've lately been irritating me, so I had the doc take a look. My research states that they could or can be related to diabetes, and are also genetic (that's strike two Mom!) I'll keep my avid readers of 1 updated on this as well...since apparently it's all part of the same issue!
I've decided that the 1800 calorie diet they set out for me while I was in the hospital, is not really something I will continue. This will come out as a rationalization...hell, it IS a rationalization, but as long as we're all on the same page...I'm not over-eating as I used to. Not binge eating, trying DESPERATELY to not eat while bored, but I'm eating more regular portions. Just as an example, I've gone back to my beloved Sharky's (a great organic Mexican grill across the street from work--where I've seen Brent Spiner and Chris O'Donnell, but I digress). I've taken to having salads there. Now...their portions are pretty damn large, but I still finished the whole thing. Am I to feel guilty about this? Lettuce, tomatoes, rice, beans, chicken, grilled veggies (squash), onions, guacamole, sour cream (did I miss anything?). I don't think it's all bad, and I feel I need a good amount of fuel to do my job. I'm on my feet about 7 1/2 hours a day, and I'm running around, up and down stairs, lifting boxes, moving furniture, helping morons. It gets exhausting and I need energy to do these things. So, does an 1800 calorie diet make sense? I don't know. Your thoughts?
The Great Sweet Cut-Out of 2011 continues...
Forgot to mention that I was weighed in on the day of my diagnosis. 187 w/ my clothes on. I was about 225 when we left Chicago (coming up on 3 years ago). When I went to my updated doctor (@ Cedars), I was in only undies, and it came up as 183 (I'll take that, thank you very much). The doctor commented on the fact that he had never seen an onset of diabetes after a great weight LOSS. That's me, the freak of nature.
My adt'l bloodwork came back, and on top of my high sugars, I've got high cholesterol. Really? I'm just shocked.
My store did well last month, so as is the norm, our DM brings us loads of treats. So in our cupboards and refrigerator in our "break room" (actually a tiny little counter w/ a mini-fridge and two upper cabinets...oh, and a sink) there are legions of candy bars in "snack-size". I get to waft the scent into my nostrils, as if they were a fine wine. Hey, I'll take it.
Got the blood-testing down to a science. Don't even have to think about it anymore...just do it. It's kind of nice to already be in a mindless zone as far as keeping things "normal".
Oh...and I also had some lumps on the bottom of my feet checked out when I was w/ the doctor. I'll be scheduling an exam w/ a podiatrist (@ Cedars Sinai--where Liz passed away, may she rest in peace). Based on my exploration of Wikipedia (and my all-to-common self-diagnosis), it's something called plantar fibromatosis. They've been there for a while, but I've chosen to ignore them; along w/ my frequent peeing and dire thirst needs. But, they've lately been irritating me, so I had the doc take a look. My research states that they could or can be related to diabetes, and are also genetic (that's strike two Mom!) I'll keep my avid readers of 1 updated on this as well...since apparently it's all part of the same issue!
I've decided that the 1800 calorie diet they set out for me while I was in the hospital, is not really something I will continue. This will come out as a rationalization...hell, it IS a rationalization, but as long as we're all on the same page...I'm not over-eating as I used to. Not binge eating, trying DESPERATELY to not eat while bored, but I'm eating more regular portions. Just as an example, I've gone back to my beloved Sharky's (a great organic Mexican grill across the street from work--where I've seen Brent Spiner and Chris O'Donnell, but I digress). I've taken to having salads there. Now...their portions are pretty damn large, but I still finished the whole thing. Am I to feel guilty about this? Lettuce, tomatoes, rice, beans, chicken, grilled veggies (squash), onions, guacamole, sour cream (did I miss anything?). I don't think it's all bad, and I feel I need a good amount of fuel to do my job. I'm on my feet about 7 1/2 hours a day, and I'm running around, up and down stairs, lifting boxes, moving furniture, helping morons. It gets exhausting and I need energy to do these things. So, does an 1800 calorie diet make sense? I don't know. Your thoughts?
The Great Sweet Cut-Out of 2011 continues...
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Fits like a glove...
Friend John suggested; as did the other half, that I may be experiencing THIS well known process:
The Kubler-Ross Model
The FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF
I'd like to address each of the five stages, and see where I am.
Denial: Clearly past it. I suppose I was in denial BEFORE the actual diagnosis. For years (yes YEARS) I've been assuming that I was pre-diabetic. While in Chicago, I would wake up in the middle of the night, having to practically POUND my feet in to the floor to "wake them up". Not often...but still. Sign # 1. However, I did have blood work done @ physicals while in Chicago, and nothing (other than "you need to watch your cholesterol intake") ever came of it then. But, here in LA...always thirsty, always peeing. Irritability and light-headedness when waiting too long for a meal. Again, can't say I am shocked w/ my diagnosis. Does the DENIAL portion count if it's before the "shit hits the fan"?
Anger: Still shades (deep, dark ones) of this going on. Just ask the other half. I'm irritable, cranky, jumpy and basically a giant asshole. Not that I wasn't before, but I think things are a bit more present. My fuse is as short as its ever been.
Bargaining: Not sure this stage will be part of my experience...for I believe I've moved into the next one already. Besides, what/who will I bargain with? Wait, it just hit me. I'll bargain w/ my id, that inner demon who wants what it wants... on this. "Please, oh please let me continue to eat my sweets and other lard-loads of crap! I promise I'll eat less of them that I did before!" Bingo.
Depression: I think my blog the other day says it all (although I DO feel as though I've moved on a bit already):
"I tried to explain this to the other half, but I'm not quite sure I understand it myself. This overwhelming feeling of "I can no longer enjoy anything (not just food) fully." Not my surroundings, my work, my job, my LIFE. There's something more there, but I can't quite place my finger on it. I either CAN'T enjoy things, or I won't ALLOW myself to enjoy things. It's a weird, weird place to be. And it doesn't help that these sensations/feelings/moods are so VAGUE."
There it is, and there I am...clearly.
Finally,
Acceptance: I think I've touched on this already as well. I know I can't change this, and know that I have to work hard to address it. These thoughts are not lost on me.
I know it may seem a tad over-dramatic to place the word "grief" on a diagnosis for diabetes, but it all seems to fit the bill. There are lots of of other places to apply this model...things of far greater importance than my little problem w/ eating too much sugar. The disaster in Japan, I have a couple of friends who recently lost their baby in childbirth, and another friend battling breast cancer. I hate to sound like a little baby; when things like that are a helluva lot tougher.
What I'm trying to say is that I hope to get into acceptance asap, so I can focus on bigger things.
Just to quote a bit from Wikipedia...which I thought applied to me and my "disease". Read the whole paragraph, but note the BOLD-FACED portion.
"Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to people suffering from terminal illness, later to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This may also include significant life events such as the death of a loved one, divorce, drug addiction, the onset of a disease or chronic illness, an infertility diagnosis, as well many tragedies and disasters."
Here's a link to Wikipedia with all the goods.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model
The Kubler-Ross Model
The FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF
I'd like to address each of the five stages, and see where I am.
Denial: Clearly past it. I suppose I was in denial BEFORE the actual diagnosis. For years (yes YEARS) I've been assuming that I was pre-diabetic. While in Chicago, I would wake up in the middle of the night, having to practically POUND my feet in to the floor to "wake them up". Not often...but still. Sign # 1. However, I did have blood work done @ physicals while in Chicago, and nothing (other than "you need to watch your cholesterol intake") ever came of it then. But, here in LA...always thirsty, always peeing. Irritability and light-headedness when waiting too long for a meal. Again, can't say I am shocked w/ my diagnosis. Does the DENIAL portion count if it's before the "shit hits the fan"?
Anger: Still shades (deep, dark ones) of this going on. Just ask the other half. I'm irritable, cranky, jumpy and basically a giant asshole. Not that I wasn't before, but I think things are a bit more present. My fuse is as short as its ever been.
Bargaining: Not sure this stage will be part of my experience...for I believe I've moved into the next one already. Besides, what/who will I bargain with? Wait, it just hit me. I'll bargain w/ my id, that inner demon who wants what it wants... on this. "Please, oh please let me continue to eat my sweets and other lard-loads of crap! I promise I'll eat less of them that I did before!" Bingo.
Depression: I think my blog the other day says it all (although I DO feel as though I've moved on a bit already):
"I tried to explain this to the other half, but I'm not quite sure I understand it myself. This overwhelming feeling of "I can no longer enjoy anything (not just food) fully." Not my surroundings, my work, my job, my LIFE. There's something more there, but I can't quite place my finger on it. I either CAN'T enjoy things, or I won't ALLOW myself to enjoy things. It's a weird, weird place to be. And it doesn't help that these sensations/feelings/moods are so VAGUE."
There it is, and there I am...clearly.
Finally,
Acceptance: I think I've touched on this already as well. I know I can't change this, and know that I have to work hard to address it. These thoughts are not lost on me.
I know it may seem a tad over-dramatic to place the word "grief" on a diagnosis for diabetes, but it all seems to fit the bill. There are lots of of other places to apply this model...things of far greater importance than my little problem w/ eating too much sugar. The disaster in Japan, I have a couple of friends who recently lost their baby in childbirth, and another friend battling breast cancer. I hate to sound like a little baby; when things like that are a helluva lot tougher.
What I'm trying to say is that I hope to get into acceptance asap, so I can focus on bigger things.
Just to quote a bit from Wikipedia...which I thought applied to me and my "disease". Read the whole paragraph, but note the BOLD-FACED portion.
"Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to people suffering from terminal illness, later to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This may also include significant life events such as the death of a loved one, divorce, drug addiction, the onset of a disease or chronic illness, an infertility diagnosis, as well many tragedies and disasters."
Here's a link to Wikipedia with all the goods.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model
Food No-No's and Do-Do's #2
I couldn't find an actual link (even on the American Diabetes Association site) which says YEAH to my next food--a hopeful leftover from my previous eating life.
PEANUT BUTTER.
However, all that I read states that it's a good one (check for healthier "natural" brands, w/ no added sugar, of course) to have for snacks. As with everything, I'm learning, it's good in moderation.
So, I will have to search for a healthier alternative on PB, but it is not a complete cut-out for me (thank GOD!). Which is good, cuz I LOVE me some peanut butter.
My favorite has always been good old-fashioned creamy, but every now and then--chunky hits the spot! One of the big upsets here is that I grew up w/ and still occasionally enjoy (no longer) several slices of peanut butter toast, topped with a tantalizing mix of cinnamon and sugar...for breakfast. Off you go, then.
Change it up, keep it in and I will enjoy!
PEANUT BUTTER.
However, all that I read states that it's a good one (check for healthier "natural" brands, w/ no added sugar, of course) to have for snacks. As with everything, I'm learning, it's good in moderation.
So, I will have to search for a healthier alternative on PB, but it is not a complete cut-out for me (thank GOD!). Which is good, cuz I LOVE me some peanut butter.
My favorite has always been good old-fashioned creamy, but every now and then--chunky hits the spot! One of the big upsets here is that I grew up w/ and still occasionally enjoy (no longer) several slices of peanut butter toast, topped with a tantalizing mix of cinnamon and sugar...for breakfast. Off you go, then.
Change it up, keep it in and I will enjoy!
"Juice is better..."
The GREAT SWEET CUT-OUT OF 2011 continues...
Today, my first battle with a REALLY low blood sugar. Took my pill in the a.m. Had breakfast (two eggs w/ some broccoli and cauliflower chopped in, and a piece of whole wheat toast), then got ready...we were planning a shopping excursion to Burbank. Getting ready to leave...
And I don't feel so well.
Dropped off Netflix @ our mailbox, waited for the other half to bring the car down (we're on the 4th story parking level). Get in the car...
I better check my blood sugar.
73. Per research and warnings, below 50 could mean an irreversible coma.
My level was 151 upon waking up. Wow!
My only thought is that I slept two adt'l hours (til 10am)...when I've been getting up @ 8am all week. When the doctor said you must follow a schedule, I guess this is what he meant.
So, I scarfed down some almonds I had in my purse, and upon arrival @ IKEA, had some juice. All the while the other half and I were quoting STEEL MAGNOLIAS. My favorite of the morning, "Don't talk about me like I'm not here", said through some muffled, diabetic attack Julia Roberts lips...
It was a little unnerving...the general feeling of light-headedness, the uncontrolled shaking in my hands (only minor, but UNCONTROLLED)...and the cotton mouth as if I'd just run 5 miles. How irritating.
But now it seems I must carry some little juice boxes w/ me. As well as other small snacky items (in addition to the almonds).
I think I've done pretty well w/ all of this new diet stuff. We went on a product-finding mission to Ralph's today for no-sugar, diabetic sweets. We found some toaster waffles and sugar-free syrup, some super low-carb ice cream sweetened w/ Splenda (don't worry, I was served some of this while in the hospital--as long as I don't overdo it like I used to, this should be okay!) and some Cranberry juice LITE ("juice is better").
So until about 5pm; when dinnertime rolled around, I had a nice nagging headache, I'm assuming due to the blood drop earlier in the day.
But all was not lost on this "JUICE DISCOVERY DAY". I got a fabulous new pair of shoes, some new work-shirts and a book about farts. You know what? Go judge yourself! ;)
This is klugula...telling you to "watch your sugars, smarty-pants!"
Today, my first battle with a REALLY low blood sugar. Took my pill in the a.m. Had breakfast (two eggs w/ some broccoli and cauliflower chopped in, and a piece of whole wheat toast), then got ready...we were planning a shopping excursion to Burbank. Getting ready to leave...
And I don't feel so well.
Dropped off Netflix @ our mailbox, waited for the other half to bring the car down (we're on the 4th story parking level). Get in the car...
I better check my blood sugar.
73. Per research and warnings, below 50 could mean an irreversible coma.
My level was 151 upon waking up. Wow!
My only thought is that I slept two adt'l hours (til 10am)...when I've been getting up @ 8am all week. When the doctor said you must follow a schedule, I guess this is what he meant.
So, I scarfed down some almonds I had in my purse, and upon arrival @ IKEA, had some juice. All the while the other half and I were quoting STEEL MAGNOLIAS. My favorite of the morning, "Don't talk about me like I'm not here", said through some muffled, diabetic attack Julia Roberts lips...
It was a little unnerving...the general feeling of light-headedness, the uncontrolled shaking in my hands (only minor, but UNCONTROLLED)...and the cotton mouth as if I'd just run 5 miles. How irritating.
But now it seems I must carry some little juice boxes w/ me. As well as other small snacky items (in addition to the almonds).
I think I've done pretty well w/ all of this new diet stuff. We went on a product-finding mission to Ralph's today for no-sugar, diabetic sweets. We found some toaster waffles and sugar-free syrup, some super low-carb ice cream sweetened w/ Splenda (don't worry, I was served some of this while in the hospital--as long as I don't overdo it like I used to, this should be okay!) and some Cranberry juice LITE ("juice is better").
So until about 5pm; when dinnertime rolled around, I had a nice nagging headache, I'm assuming due to the blood drop earlier in the day.
But all was not lost on this "JUICE DISCOVERY DAY". I got a fabulous new pair of shoes, some new work-shirts and a book about farts. You know what? Go judge yourself! ;)
This is klugula...telling you to "watch your sugars, smarty-pants!"
Thursday, March 17, 2011
My Other Drug
No...not mary-jane...Metformin. Here's a link w/ what it's all about. So many prescriptions...so very young. ;)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metformin
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metformin
What's all this then?
Still having strange feelings surrounding my recent diagnosis.
1) I have a feeling that most people are sick and tired of hearing about it, but honestly, it's about the only thing occupying my mind right now...so sorry.
2) I tried to explain this to the other half, but I'm not quite sure I understand it myself. This overwhelming feeling of "I can no longer enjoy anything (not just food) fully." Not my surroundings, my work, my job, my LIFE. There's something more there, but I can't quite place my finger on it. I either CAN'T enjoy things, or I won't ALLOW myself to enjoy things. It's a weird, weird place to be. And it doesn't help that these sensations/feelings/moods are so VAGUE.
I guess it's a feeling of being DISABLED. Is that it? Am I just expecting to feel disabled, so that's keeping me from going on as I had before? What is it? So very frustrating...
The GREAT SWEET CUT-OUT OF 2011 continues...
1) I have a feeling that most people are sick and tired of hearing about it, but honestly, it's about the only thing occupying my mind right now...so sorry.
2) I tried to explain this to the other half, but I'm not quite sure I understand it myself. This overwhelming feeling of "I can no longer enjoy anything (not just food) fully." Not my surroundings, my work, my job, my LIFE. There's something more there, but I can't quite place my finger on it. I either CAN'T enjoy things, or I won't ALLOW myself to enjoy things. It's a weird, weird place to be. And it doesn't help that these sensations/feelings/moods are so VAGUE.
I guess it's a feeling of being DISABLED. Is that it? Am I just expecting to feel disabled, so that's keeping me from going on as I had before? What is it? So very frustrating...
The GREAT SWEET CUT-OUT OF 2011 continues...
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
One Touch Changes Everything...
Patti LaBelle's ad campaign for One Touch; circa 2005. The other half and I used to get such a kick out of this commercial. Imagine our complete and utter joy when she sang the jingle @ her concert we attended in Ravinia. Laughed ourselves silly!
http://adland.tv/commercials/onetouch-patti-labelle-2005-30-usa
http://adland.tv/commercials/onetouch-patti-labelle-2005-30-usa
Truthfully?
I think the honeymoon is over. Apparently there WAS some initial shock @ the diagnosis, cuz I'm feeling a little emotional today. Not bad, not crying, not dramatic, but AWARE of the sheer scope of changes before me. A little daunting. I remain positive, and after four days, still am trying to eat properly (doing very well, thank you), taking my meds and checking my blood sugar often (thanks Wilford!)
But it really hit me on my way home from work...which, by the way was not as bad as I had expected. Not sure what I expected from a first day back. I was nauseous this morning, but by mid morning, I was feeling pretty fine. The new meds?
Anyway, had things not changed over the weekend, I would have come home from work, put on some street clothes and headed out w/ the other half for a gigantic, sugar-filled dinner someplace (IHOP perhaps...mmm...maybe Hooters!), followed by some shopping and walking and then desert @ Johnny Rockets...a shake.
The thing is, I don't know how to function w/out food. Certainly I'm still eating, but when I go out, I expect to eat. A snack, a desert, a full-fledged meal...with not a care in the world. But now, I have to be careful and think things through. Of course I can still eat out. Of course I can still go on my shopping walks. That's not changed...and my common sense is aware of that. But my inner, emotional...steeped in tradition guy...well, he doesn't get it. I worked hard today. Go home, chill in front of the tube, go next door to the mall and get a "Love It" size from ColdStone.
I'm truly confused, and frankly a little depressed.
Going out to eat is an institution in my relationship with the other half. Sure counting calories/carbs, reading labels and cutting portions will be tough...but changing how we LIVE, and socialize (not even w/ friends, but BETWEEN THE TWO OF US)...it's kinda scary.
I'm not giving up, just accepting the fact that I've got a tough road ahead.
In other news...I've found a new doctor (affiliated w/ Cedars Sinai, thank you very much). I feel good w/ my appointment today, and will be attending a diabetes training course in the next week or so.
In addition, I'm a part of the One Touch family now...as my meter arrived in the mail today. I've been using a standby generic for the past few days, but this new one is THE ONE. And it's covered by insurance, so they'll be no further switches there.
It's all coming together...including all of the realizations!
The GREAT SWEET CUT-OUT OF 2011 continues...
But it really hit me on my way home from work...which, by the way was not as bad as I had expected. Not sure what I expected from a first day back. I was nauseous this morning, but by mid morning, I was feeling pretty fine. The new meds?
Anyway, had things not changed over the weekend, I would have come home from work, put on some street clothes and headed out w/ the other half for a gigantic, sugar-filled dinner someplace (IHOP perhaps...mmm...maybe Hooters!), followed by some shopping and walking and then desert @ Johnny Rockets...a shake.
The thing is, I don't know how to function w/out food. Certainly I'm still eating, but when I go out, I expect to eat. A snack, a desert, a full-fledged meal...with not a care in the world. But now, I have to be careful and think things through. Of course I can still eat out. Of course I can still go on my shopping walks. That's not changed...and my common sense is aware of that. But my inner, emotional...steeped in tradition guy...well, he doesn't get it. I worked hard today. Go home, chill in front of the tube, go next door to the mall and get a "Love It" size from ColdStone.
I'm truly confused, and frankly a little depressed.
Going out to eat is an institution in my relationship with the other half. Sure counting calories/carbs, reading labels and cutting portions will be tough...but changing how we LIVE, and socialize (not even w/ friends, but BETWEEN THE TWO OF US)...it's kinda scary.
I'm not giving up, just accepting the fact that I've got a tough road ahead.
In other news...I've found a new doctor (affiliated w/ Cedars Sinai, thank you very much). I feel good w/ my appointment today, and will be attending a diabetes training course in the next week or so.
In addition, I'm a part of the One Touch family now...as my meter arrived in the mail today. I've been using a standby generic for the past few days, but this new one is THE ONE. And it's covered by insurance, so they'll be no further switches there.
It's all coming together...including all of the realizations!
The GREAT SWEET CUT-OUT OF 2011 continues...
Monday, March 14, 2011
Glipizide...A New Friend!
A link to a lengthy description of one of my new meds. It's better than insulin/needles and taken orally! Yeah!
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0000834/
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0000834/
Sunday, March 13, 2011
The Ironing is Delicious...
It's not lost on me that I've been diagnosed w/ Type 2 diabetes around this time of year. It had to be this or Halloween (another candy-heavy holiday) in order to really hit home and challenge me.Easter. Lots of my friends (or my "peeps" if you will) know that I am a recovering Peep-aholic. There was an Easter season when I was popping those little balls of goo like they were pills (is that the right analogy, or is it the other way around? Hmmm). Must have been my junior year in college (about 5 years ago, ahem). Everyone I knew found out that I had a thing for peeps, so I began receiving them in the large economy barrel size...daily. On top of that, my mother sent her usual Easter basket of goodies, which always included a hefty helping of the little yellow bastards (and just so you know my preference--I always gravitated to the yellow birds. Bunnies and other colors BE DAMNED!)
We were out shopping @ Target today, where I picked up some almonds and rice-cakes, and checked prices on One Touch products.
Every corner of Target was Easter-tastic. Which means that the chocolate marshmallow bunnies (another weakness) Peeps and other coma-inducing baddies were around ever corner. Taunting me. Obviously we made it out okay, no stowaway Peeps, but things were about to get even more terrible.
@ our local grocer, Fresh and Easy, they have a lovely section of dated items...stuff that just passed their expiration date. Clearance. We sometimes find some real gems, and other times, you'd best not waste your time.
One item we see regularly is day old apple pies. Not that I hate apple pie, but it's never my first choice @ a Baker's Square or the like. So I never get them; even though I love a good deal.
In all of our three years shopping @ this location, I've never seen this next item in their clearance section.
A banana-effing-cream pie. I adore banana-effing-cream pie...A LOT. Well, today there was one there...staring at me, laughing at me...fluttering it's creamy, delicious eyelids--flat out FLIRTING with me.
"To hell", I said.
And it turned its attentions elsewhere.
Control.
So, Peeps (and banana-effing-cream pies) are certainly off the list. No need to research those. I'll miss the little buggers, but I guess a longer lifespan filled with waking moments, not death by sugar--preceded by fatigue and stomach pain...is worth the sacrifice.
The GREAT SWEET CUT-OUT continues...
Food No-No's and Do-Do's #1
In my research, I plan to check on individual eats, so that I can know what in my previous diet will be allowed, denied or re-configured.First up...BANANAS. I love bananas. I can eat three in one sitting. I know they're natural, have potassium and other goodies, but can I have them on a regular menu; seeing as though I'm a raging homosex--er, uh, I mean a raging diabetic? Sorry, habit! :)
Well, right from the source (The American Diabetes Association), a banana okay from one of their "Dear Abby" -type dietitians.
"Yes, your husband can still eat bananas and other types of fruit. Bananas are a good source of fiber, potassium, and vitamin C, but they do have some carbohydrates. In fact, all fruits have some carbohydrates which should be accounted for in a diabetes meal plan. If your husband wants to include bananas in his meal plan, he may want to become familiar with portion sizes and the number of carbohydrates in each.
Bananas vary quite a bit in size, which can make counting the carbs difficult. Below are some estimates for different sizes.
Extra small banana (6 inches long or less) - 18.5 grams of carbohydrate
Small banana (about 6-6 7/8 inches long) –23 grams of carbohydrate
Medium banana (7-7 7/8 inches long) – 27 grams of carbohydrate
Large banana (8-8 7/8 inches long) – 31 grams of carbohydrate
Extra large banana (9 inches or longer) – 35 grams of carbohydrate
How your blood glucose responds to different foods can vary from person to person. He may need to make individual adjustments to fit his need and meal plan."There you have it...bananas (as with everything it seems) are okay in small doses (certainly not three in a matter of 4 minutes).
Words to live by, apparently...
As I begin my research in how to stay alive (doesn't that sound SOOO uber-dramatic--but I guess it's true!), I am reading up on stuff @ the American Diabetes Association. These words stood out immediately.
Per my previous post, my binging and mega-portions in all eating situations certainly fall under the category of "extremes".
Here we go.
Per my previous post, my binging and mega-portions in all eating situations certainly fall under the category of "extremes".
Here we go.
Wilford Brimley on Diabetes (FAMILY GUY)
I used to make fun of this...now who's laughing? Hell, it's still HILARIOUS as HELL!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0H2fH3K044
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0H2fH3K044
I'm SHOCKED! Okay, not really...
Seems like only yesterday. Wait, it was ALMOST yesterday. 2 days ago. I went in for a physical...checking weight, height, my trick knee, that lump on my foot, etc. And of course, the obligatory blood work.
Diabetes runs rampant in my family...from both sides. I've never had a good diet. Sugar (specifically chocolate--specifically moist, delicious baked goods, i.e cupcakes, cake, pastries) is my weak spot. I can't get enough of it.
On top of the horrible things I eat, we have the problem (and it's generally a BIG problem) of portion control. I eat until it effects my breathing. I eat until I feel ill. I eat until I pass out. Okay, it's never been quite that bad...but bad is bad, after all.
Also, I eat QUICKLY. My brain never has enough time to process the food intake, until it's too late. By then, I'm left feeling bloated, guilty and stupid.
Suffice to say...I don't exercise, I don't eat well and my genes are never going to provide me with a road map to health.
The doctor checked everything out, sent me to the lab and took his next patient. An immediate result from the blood work? Blood sugars @ 437. What the hell does that mean? Well, I knew it wasn't good when the lab tech pulled the doctor from his current patient to come talk to me. They took a look @ the blood monitor and then walked on over.
"437."
"So, what's normal?"
"Around 100. We're sending you to urgent care."
This was Friday, March 11th, 2011.
Thus begins my journey to a healthier me. Should have done it a long time ago, but there is no room for regrets. Well, there could be room, now that the sugars will take up less room in my body.
Not that I'm necessarily scared or apprehensive...not to any SCARY degree. I know it'll take a lot of work, but I'm up for the challenge. I still have plenty of shit to accomplish in my life and I haven't got time for adt'l nonsense. The goal is to learn my new processes and eating habits as quickly as possible, so that I don't even have to think twice.
So won't you come along with me, as I learn to live w/ this diabetic monster?
Join me for THE GREAT SWEET CUT-OUT OF 2011!
Diabetes runs rampant in my family...from both sides. I've never had a good diet. Sugar (specifically chocolate--specifically moist, delicious baked goods, i.e cupcakes, cake, pastries) is my weak spot. I can't get enough of it.
On top of the horrible things I eat, we have the problem (and it's generally a BIG problem) of portion control. I eat until it effects my breathing. I eat until I feel ill. I eat until I pass out. Okay, it's never been quite that bad...but bad is bad, after all.
Also, I eat QUICKLY. My brain never has enough time to process the food intake, until it's too late. By then, I'm left feeling bloated, guilty and stupid.
Suffice to say...I don't exercise, I don't eat well and my genes are never going to provide me with a road map to health.
The doctor checked everything out, sent me to the lab and took his next patient. An immediate result from the blood work? Blood sugars @ 437. What the hell does that mean? Well, I knew it wasn't good when the lab tech pulled the doctor from his current patient to come talk to me. They took a look @ the blood monitor and then walked on over.
"437."
"So, what's normal?"
"Around 100. We're sending you to urgent care."
This was Friday, March 11th, 2011.
Thus begins my journey to a healthier me. Should have done it a long time ago, but there is no room for regrets. Well, there could be room, now that the sugars will take up less room in my body.
Not that I'm necessarily scared or apprehensive...not to any SCARY degree. I know it'll take a lot of work, but I'm up for the challenge. I still have plenty of shit to accomplish in my life and I haven't got time for adt'l nonsense. The goal is to learn my new processes and eating habits as quickly as possible, so that I don't even have to think twice.
So won't you come along with me, as I learn to live w/ this diabetic monster?
Join me for THE GREAT SWEET CUT-OUT OF 2011!
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